When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
