He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
