like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
