**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
