Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we're making bets on your personal life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
