my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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