Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
