He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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