Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
