if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
