Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
