I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize