Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
