Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
