He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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