yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize