1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
