I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
