hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
