I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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