There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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