Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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