She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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