I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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