i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
