Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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