I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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