I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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