hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
