I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
