Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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