It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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