Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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