Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize