i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
