he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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