I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
