Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
