i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
