Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
