Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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