I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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