How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
