OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
