my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
