Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
