Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
