Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
