Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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