i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
