You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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