An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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