Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
