I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
a search helicopter?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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