Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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