you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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