I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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