if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
