so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize