Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it because I queefed?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
