Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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