We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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