She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
