lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
