i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
