no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you traded sex for a burrito?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
