We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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