I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
