i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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