I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
