OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
