thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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